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When you're a busy parent, carving out time for self-care can feel next to impossible. Between school drop-offs, work, and keeping the house clean and organized, when exactly are you supposed to fit in time for yourself? Trust me, I've been there.
But many experts agree that in order for parents to be the best versions of themselves for their kids and partners, they must prioritize their self-care.
“The reality is, the only way to take the best care of your family is to make sure you're taking time to take care of yourself,” writes Dr. Whitney Casares. “Can you push through and be a martyr for the next 18 years? Probably. Will it leave you resentful and angry? Most definitely.”
Casares says prioritizing self-care for parents needs to start from the beginning.
“Taking small chunks of time for yourself as early on as possible is one of the best ways to keep yourself from feeling trapped as a new parent,” she says. “You forget that you need a mental break sometimes to recharge your battery.”
But self-care needs to be a priority for it to happen. Keep reading for 6 specific things I do to carve out time for self-care as a busy parent, so I can show up as the best version of myself for my kids and my partner.
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Self-Care For Parents: Prioritize Quality Time
Quality time means your kids have your full attention and engagement when you’re with them. You’re not distracted by your work email or by trying to multitask. And when you prioritize the quality of time over the quantity of time, it also allows you to make room for self-care and get some “me time.” Let’s break out the math for this one: Rather than spending 1 hour playing with your kids but being distracted the whole time, you spend 40 minutes playing with them while you’re all in, and then the other 20 minutes you can use for self-care that recharges your own batteries.
“Many of us long for our children when they aren’t with us, and that slows us down with our other tasks and expectations,” says clinical psychologist Melanie English. “Then — when our children are with us — we think of the other things we have to do: the lingering deadline, the unfolded laundry, the dinner prep, etc. Be the best at what you are doing when you are doing that thing. You are the best worker when you are working. You are the best friend when you are with someone else, and you are the best parent when you are with your children.”
When it comes to ensuring the time with your kids is quality time, my #1 tip is: Leave your phone behind! And if you want to ensure that family meals are always quality time, then do not bring your phone to any meals with your kids. You’ll also thank your future self, because they will follow your lead when they eventually get a phone and know there is a house rule of no phones at the table.
Self-Care For Parents: Get Morning “Me Time”
I wake up one hour before the kids (in my case, 5 am) to get guaranteed “me time” in the morning. Morning alone time nourishes me far more than any attempt at evening alone time. I find I'm far less bothered by the small obstacles in life when I start the day with this intentional time and space for self-care.
One of my tricks for successfully rising early is to think about what I want to do in the morning with that “me time.” I am not tempted to roll over and go back to sleep for one more hour if I think about the book chapter I want to soak in, the mandala I want to color, or the Masterclass I’ve been super excited to take (I see you Martha Stewart and I’m so in!).
Whatever it is you choose to do with that hour of morning self-care, make sure you know how you want to spend it before falling asleep so you are excited to get up in the morning.
Of course, if you're more of an evening person, it may make more sense for you to carve out time after everyone else has gone to bed. Andrew Howell, the co-founder of the parenting resource MyTribe, says after his baby was born, he would play video games with two of his friends who lived in other states 1-2 evenings a week as his self-care.
"It was between 11 o'clock and midnight. The baby was asleep, my wife was sleeping, and I wouldn't be working. It was time where I could just sort of shut my brain off," he says. "I'm not a big video game player, necessarily, but it was something fun to look forward to, and it was just something purely for me."
Self-Care For Parents: Sleep
Sleep is the ultimate form of self-care! I always aim to get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep a night, so getting to bed early is critical to making my early wakeup doable. I usually watch one episode of a TV show with my husband (I highly recommend Fargo!), and then aim to be in my bedroom by 9 pm.
The “in-the-bedroom-by-9 pm-rule,” gives me time for other self-care habits like washing my face and brushing my teeth. Once I’m in bed, I’ll try to fit in some end-of-the-day conversation with my partner or read a little. This timeline ensures I’m asleep no later than 10 pm.
Hatch Restore 2 is my secret weapon for actually falling asleep. The gradual night light dimming and “Ocean Sounds” melts me into bed within 15 minutes once I turn it on. (Though obviously, you can choose the white noise sound that works best for you!) And instead of being awakened with a sudden alarm clock noise, there’s a 15-minute gradual brightening to start your day — Malibu Sunrise is so lovely to wake up to!
Self-Care For Parents: Pay People to Come to You
I will happily pay any vendor a $50 travel fee to come to my house to perform a service. In our household, we can sometimes save upwards of 5 hours a week by having people come to us — family haircuts, personal trainers, physical therapy, etc. It saves so much time by not having to travel to and from appointments and lowers my anxiety and stress levels. Time adds up quickly in parenthood, and I’d rather use those minutes for self-care instead of sitting in traffic.
For a full list of my favorite mobile services for busy parents, check out my posts 7 Mobile Wellness Services For Busy Families and 5 Mobile Beauty Services For Busy Families.
Self-Care For Parents: Plan Your Week
Planning in and of itself is self-care. There is a misconception that self-care is always some kind of relaxing practice, but self-care is often your present self putting in a little work for your future self to enjoy. Planning allows us to feel less overwhelmed at the moments when the rest of parenthood can feel out of control. It also allows us to designate time in our schedule for other forms of self-care.
Every week, my partner and I sit down to plan the following week’s schedule. We review the kids' schedules (whether that be nap times or school pickup/drop off times), acknowledge windows when either of us is unavailable, talk through our meals for the week, and coordinate time with family and friends. We also schedule time for date nights and for each of us to have alone time. Meticulously scheduling your days may not sound like the most fun self-care, but gaining a few hours a day of stress-free time is an immense trade-off.
Check out my article How To Plan Your Week With Your Partner for my full list of tips on integrating these weekly planning sessions into your life.
Self-Care for Parents: Delegate
I delegate anything that doesn't bring me joy in parenthood to either our nanny, housecleaner, or virtual assistant. One example for me is bath time. I know that’s not a popular answer — parents are supposed to love bath time. But five times a week I have the nanny run a bath while I take a 20-minutes for self-care. Once the kids are clean, I swoop in for PJs and books, which I LOVE doing.
Learning to be ok with delegating can be hard at first. CNN host Laura Coates says at first she felt guilty delegating tasks that she saw her own parents do for her growing up when they were busy with kids and their careers.
“I thought for some time, ‘I’ve got to duplicate, replicate that, otherwise, I’m dropping the ball,'” she says. “And my mom was like, ‘Laura, we didn’t have quite the schedule you had, number one. And number two, we did not have the services that you had, and had we been able to access them, we would likely have loved to use them.’ And so, it made me feel better.”
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