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By now, every parent is familiar with the saying “it takes a village to raise a child.”
The exact origins of the adage are uncertain, but the meaning is clear: raising kids requires support and guidance from a community of adults beyond just the parents. But what happens when your “village” is miles away, aging, burned out, or simply nonexistent?
For many modern parents, that’s the reality. My own mother passed away before my children were born, so I never had the benefit of her guiding me through those first blurry weeks of newborn care or stepping in for support when needed.
And my situation isn’t unique. Many grandparents now live far away, are older, or are enjoying a well-earned retirement. And as The Atlantic notes, “Times have changed since Millennials were little and neighborhoods had lots more stay-at-home moms available to pitch in…Your friends with kids might not be able to do school pickup in an emergency, because they, too, might be working.”
So if the traditional village is less accessible than ever, how do modern parents build the support system they need?
Keep reading for my tips as a working mom of two on how to build your village in a way that is emotionally supportive, logistically functional, and realistic for modern life.
Skip Ahead: How To Build Your Parenting Village
What They Really Mean When They Say ‘It Takes a Village’
When people say, “it takes a village,” the conversation often zeroes in on the physical help: childcare, dropping off meals, or swooping in for a last-minute school pickup when you’re stuck at work.
But the traditional concept of a parenting “village” provides a lot more than help with chores. It also includes:
1. Emotional Support
Someone to text when you’re overwhelmed, someone who says “you’re not doing anything wrong,” and someone who gets the unique pressure of raising kids today.
2. Guidance & Advice
From "Is this rash normal?" to “How do I transition to daycare?”, you benefit from the advice and guidance of parents who have gone through this before and can provide insight you trust.
You don’t need another app. You need a brain double.
Proxy helps you think through the who, what, and where of home life — so you can stop doing mental math at 2AM.
3. Shared Resources
Swapping clothes, gear, recommendations, tricks, shortcuts.
4. Multiple Caregivers (Which Kids Actually Benefit From)
A lot of times, parents get swamped with feelings of guilt when it comes to paying for childcare or asking for help. But there’s growing research showing that children thrive when cared for by more than one consistent adult. This model — called alloparenting — has been shown to support children’s emotional regulation, social confidence, and secure attachment.
In other words, embrace the help! For more tips on overcoming guilt and other common fears of delegating, check out our article on The Top 6 Fears Of Hiring Household Help – And How To Overcome Them.
Now, let’s dive into how to achieve all of these benefits with a modern parenting village…
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'It Takes A Village,' So I Hired Mine
Because my mom wasn’t there to guide me, I did what so many modern parents do: I hired my village.
As Olga Khazan writes in The Atlantic: “When I asked about the village concept in a Facebook group for moms in the D.C. region, a highly educated, highly transient area, I received one type of response over and over: I don’t have a village, so I buy one. Some of these moms have nannies, house cleaners, dog walkers, and house managers. Or they have less expensive villagers: Various moms told me that the McDonald’s drive-through, Instacart, and DoorDash were their “village.”
I am all for anything that gives busy parents more time back (I see you, Instacart), but where I saw the most benefit is in hiring experts because, in addition to the hands-on help, they provided emotional support and guidance.
"Proxy took the research, review, reading, trial and error, and coordination struggles out of everything."
Busy Parent, Dad of 2
My first big investment in my village was a newborn care specialist, not because I wanted luxury, but because I needed clarity, guidance, and someone who could help me understand the million things I didn’t know about a baby. A newborn care specialist isn’t just feeding at 2 a.m. — they’re teaching you cues, helping you troubleshoot reflux, or reassuring you that cluster feeding is normal.
From there, I hired a nanny, who we later promoted into a family assistant role. A former Montessori preschool teacher, she brought years of experience and, in addition to hands-on help, has provided emotional support and given me so much great parenting advice.
My village also grew to include a personal chef, parenting coach, and weekend nanny. I went from feeling burned out trying to be a “supermom” to feeling like I had a support system, a sense of work-life balance, and quality time to spend with my kids, my partner, and on self-care.
The outcome has been life-changing, but I don’t want to sugarcoat it: the journey to get there was rough. I dealt with mom guilt. Figuring out the right people to hire: who was reputable? Who could I trust? Learning how to delegate at home. Creating new routines, like a weekly meeting to keep my partner and me on the same page. Plus, all the other random challenges that arise when you’re a parent.
That’s ultimately what led me to found my company Peacock Parent: I wanted to share what I’d learned and help overwhelmed parents buy back time and feel comfortable delegating so they can enjoy parenthood without feeling like they’re constantly one step behind, teetering on the edge of burnout
And I wanted to build a service that goes beyond just hiring help, and also taps into the trusted guidance and support side of having a village. And that’s where Proxy comes in…
'It Takes a Village,' Both In The Thinking And The Doing
I hired physical people to help my partner and me thrive at home. But even with their expertise, we also needed help thinking through some of the logistics of new parenthood and all the random questions that arise: when can I take a bath after giving birth? Should my baby be wearing sunglasses?
What we wanted was an on-demand thinking partner. A go-to source we could trust without spending hours falling down an Internet rabbit hole at the end of a long day.
That’s what led me to create Proxy: a thinking partner for home life. Proxy helps busy families build their village in two powerful ways:
1. A Thinking Partner for Every Parenting Question
Anything you are overthinking, wondering about, debating with your partner, or about to Google, you can ask Proxy instead. Text us — (820) 732-2625— what’s on your mind, and we'll respond in 2 minutes or less with expert guidance and recommended next steps. Our goal is to be a trusted source that helps parents not get stuck in the analysis paralysis phase.
Here are some of the texts we’ve gotten recently:
- I am in charge of bringing a large side for the holiday dinner - needs to serve 18 - 20 people. Ideas?
- Our nanny left with no notice. How do we explain where she went to the kids without them feeling bad?
- How do you handle car rides with kids wanting to listen to the SAME song over and over?
- Need someone to make me photo books of some trips
- I have a call today with my boss about returning to work. My baby is 6 weeks old. Advice?
- How do I talk to my partner about the way he is parenting - his discipline style - that's different than mine?
Proxy aims to provide emotional support, logistical support, and judgment-free guidance — all in one place. As one user wrote, "I absolutely love how positive Proxy is - I’m anxious enough as a new mother and when I ask questions of Proxy, it always starts the response with something positive - like ‘you’re absolutely right to be thinking about it that way…’ and it makes me feel better."
2. Hiring The Help You Need — Fully Vetted & Tailored to You
On top of providing guidance and support to busy parents, Proxy can also help you find and hire the support or service you need.
Proxy maintains a curated network of providers we’ve personally vetted — services we’d feel comfortable using for our own families. Whenever possible, we work with providers to secure insider pricing, but we only recommend partners based on quality, never commissions.
We can recommend full or part-time help, as well as one-off services or pay-as-you-go options for last-minute needs that come up — or for dipping your toes into the water before committing to something more permanent. To get started, you can text us what you need or take our quick quiz, and we’ll match you with the best vetted options in your area that fit your budget and needs (both options are free).
“Proxy gets it done before it hits your to-do list”
- Ruqaiya Akbari, Proxy User
Even if you decide to use a service outside of our network, we can still help you pinpoint your pain points and identify what type of help will have the biggest impact on reducing your stress and creating your parenting village. There are so many services and types of help out there that you may not even realize exist!
Here are just a few examples of some of the support Proxy can help you hire for your modern village:
- Nanny
- Newborn care specialist
- Family assistant
- Meal prep chef
- House manager
- Dry Cleaning Pick-Up/Drop-off
- Babysitters
- Home organization services
- Errand runner
- Personal stylist
- In-home trainers
- Medical concierge
- Mobile beauty and wellness services that come to you
If you already have some help but still feel like you're running on fumes, Proxy can also help you be more strategic and delegate more effectively at home, whether that’s through promoting your nanny to a family assistant, implementing a weekly meeting with your partner, onboarding a new nanny — or whatever else you may need help with.
Other Tips For Building Your Modern Parenting Village
Of course, even though Proxy can step in with emotional support, guidance, and recommendations, nothing can replace the in-person connection you get from trusted friends or family — a key part of any modern parenting village.
Though fostering friendships and community as a busy parent can feel difficult, here are some of the most effective ways to make friends as a parent, according to a study by The Power Pause:
- Nurture existing friendships that can grow to include the parenting dimension of your life. Many lasting parent friendships actually begin with people you already know who are entering similar life phases.
- Connect with fellow parents through work, mutual friends, or via your kids’ daycare or school.
- Join a mom/parenting group or play group that meets regularly. The key is to choose groups that offer opportunities for regular contact and shared experiences that help friendships develop naturally, rather than one-off meetings.
In terms of what doesn’t work? The researchers found social media, parenting classes, and playgrounds to be the least effective ways of making friends as a mom.
Of course, you also need to have enough time to actually foster meaningful friendships. Hiring parts of your village for support where needed will help free up time for friendships and other forms of self-care. For more tips on how to make time for what matters to you most as a busy parent, check out my guide 55 Ways To Plan For Joy.
Your Parenting Village Might Look Different — And That’s Okay
If there’s one thing you take away from this article, I hope it’s this: you can build a modern parenting village that works for your reality.
A mix of:
- Emotional support
- Guidance & advice
- Hands on help
- The right tools (like Proxy) that reduce the mental load
And as a reminder, you don’t need to do every part of a task to “own” it.
You don’t need to be “supermom” or follow the 1980s version of motherhood.
You just need a system that supports you — and your kids need a network that holds them.
That’s what a village is.
And it’s still possible to build one today.
Peacock Parent was founded to encapsulate the very essence of doing things differently in parenthood, so please follow us @PeacockParent if you ever need a pick-me-up about the how and why of hiring your village.
“It Takes a Village:” The Peacock Parent Version 🦚
My village grew slowly and intentionally — not because I wanted to outsource everything, but because I wanted to be a present, patient parent without burning out. Here’s what it looks like:
- 👶 Newborn Care Specialist — Taught me the foundations I didn’t know about babies and developmental milestones, and lowered my anxiety in those early months tremendously.
- 🧺 Hybrid Nanny / Family Assistant — The backbone of our daily rhythm. My kids love her, and she helps with tons of larger projects around the house.
- 🍽️ Personal Chef — Removed the nightly “what’s for dinner?” chaos, all trips to the grocery store, and our kids eat a variety of slow foods!
- 🧠 Proxy — My thinking partner for parenting decisions, home-life logistics, and emotional support when I’m overwhelmed or unsure (or even a little annoyed with my partner).
- 🧹 House Cleaner — She comes 2x/week and handles all the laundry and cleaning. I’m considering upping her to 3x/week because it genuinely feels different walking in the house after she’s there.
- 🌙 Weekend Nanny — We LOVE our sleep, and having someone come 6am–12pm on a weekend allows us both to sleep in together and gives us time to intentionally reconnect as a couple.
- 💻 Virtual Assistant — Our nanny delegates small tasks to our virtual assistant, like making appointments and reservations during times she’s off.
“It Takes A Village” FAQs
Quick answers to common questions about how to create your modern parenting village.
What does “it takes a village” mean for modern parents?
Today, “it takes a village” means that raising children isn’t something parents are meant to do alone. A modern village can include friends, family, caregivers, neighbors, teachers, community members, and sometimes paid support like nannies or meal prep services. A modern parenting village means parents have both emotional support and practical help that reduces the mental load so they can show up as their best selves.
What if I don’t have family nearby to help with my kids?
You are far from alone. Many parents don’t have nearby relatives, and still build strong, supportive networks. A mix of emotional support and practical help can still give you the benefits of a village, even if it doesn’t look traditional.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure where to begin, you can always text Proxy — (820) 732-2625 — for help thinking through what kind of support would make the biggest difference and how to structure a village that works for your family.
Is it okay to hire help as part of my village?
Yes. Hiring help does not mean you’re failing, it means you’re being realistic about what modern family life requires. Trusted caregivers, newborn care specialists, family assistants, meal prep chefs, and other experts can provide both hands-on support and emotional steadiness. Kids often thrive with multiple caring adults in their lives, so inviting professionals into your village can be a positive thing for everyone.
How can I find real-life parenting community and friendships?
Lasting parent friendships usually grow out of regular, shared experiences rather than one-off encounters. Some of the most effective places to build community include:
- Existing friendships that evolve into parenting friendships
- Coworkers who are also parents
- Daycare or school communities
- Recurring mom groups or classes with the same people showing up each week
The key is consistency. Showing up regularly builds familiarity, trust, and connection over time.
I feel guilty asking for help. How do I get past that?
Many parents struggle with guilt, especially if they were raised with the message that they should be able to do everything on their own. A helpful reframe is to remember that asking for help doesn’t make you less devoted — it makes you more supported.
Delegating protects your energy, your relationships, and your ability to be present with your kids. Check out our full article on The Top 6 Fears Of Hiring Household Help – And How To Overcome Them for more tips on overcoming guilt and other common concerns around delegating.
How does Proxy fit into building a village?
Proxy is designed to complement, not replace, your real-world relationships. You can text Proxy — (820) 732-2625 — with anything you’re overthinking or debating, and get clear, judgment-free guidance within minutes.
Proxy can help parents reduce the mental load of researching everything alone, think through what kind of support would make the biggest difference, and connect with vetted service providers if needed.
Your emotional village comes from real people in your life — Proxy simply helps make the logistics easier, so you have the bandwidth to nurture those relationships.
