Forget Supermom, Embrace This Superpower Instead

Aug 28, 2024

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Usually, we produce articles that focus on providing actionable solutions for your parenting and household struggles, but today, I would like to take a moment to talk about the term “supermom.” The concept of a supermom has become so ingrained in our culture, that it even has its own entry in the dictionary, defined as “a woman who performs the traditional duties of housekeeping and child-rearing while also having a full-time job.” In other words, a supermom is both the epitome of domesticity and a career woman. She somehow “does it all” all by herself.

I don’t know about you, but just reading that makes me feel exhausted. And I’m not the only one. Within the past decade, a new conversation has started among women that the concept of "supermom" is archaic and unsustainable for our mental health and well-being. We don't want to do it all. We are drowning in busy work at home and in our jobs. And we are suffering.

“We’ve been circling around these issues for the last fifty years, finding new ways to say ‘This is unfair. This is wrong. We need help,’” writes Lisa Selin Davis in her book Housewife. “We’ve experienced work-life balance as a cruel joke of a phrase, dangled before us like the rabbit before greyhounds, which we’ve been chasing for decades…We feel exhausted. We feel we’d been sold a lie.”

So what’s a mother to do? This isn’t just a piece to bemoan the concept of supermom. Below, I share how I found my own superpower that I think can help thousands of women and households across the country break free of the supermom trope and free up time. But first, let’s dive into the origins of “supermom” (after all, every ‘superhero’ needs an origin story, right?).

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Where Did Supermom Come From?

In her book Housewife, Lisa Selin Davis eloquently details the rise of supermom and the confluence of societal changes that led to her creation. She explains that the 1970s were all about women’s sexual liberation, followed by the 1980s which empowered women to fight for their financial worth and proudly work 9 to 5. Yet, while women were told they could do anything in the workforce, nothing was done to take traditional household duties off their to-do lists.

“Entering the workforce had added a second set of responsibilities to women’s already full plates, hammering away at the office all day and then returning home to a full load of housework and childcare,” writes Davis. “Instead of Rosie the Riveter or June Cleaver, modern women were supposed to be both.”

In that same decade, parenting also shifted from the more laissez-faire approach of the 70s — “Be home by dark” — to so-called “intensive mothering.” Davis explains that there was a new sense of stranger danger spreading across the country, fueled by shows like America’s Most Wanted, on top of other parenting concerns like ensuring your kids are eating healthy, wearing sunblock, watching appropriate TV shows, etc.

“And so, just as the number of women in the workforce increased, so did fear for children’s welfare, and the accompanying practice of 'intensive mothering',” Davis writes.

Parenting was requiring more time, just as women’s time was being pulled into their careers. And societal changes weren’t keeping pace with the changing work and household dynamics.

“Because the cultural change didn’t co-occur with the structural change required to improve women’s lives, supermom was an even more oppressive archetype than housewife,” writes Davis. “With each gain women made, expectations — and unhappiness — rose.”

That’s continued to this day. Women in the United States still report higher stress levels than men, and are more likely to cite family responsibilities as a main source of stress in their life.

That’s not to say that nothing has been done. Dads have been taking on more responsibility, and thanks in part to tools like Eve Rodsky's Fair Play cards, we mothers have started asking (and allowing) our partners to help.

Between 1965 and 2011, men roughly doubled the amount of time they spent on housework (from 4 to 9 hours per week), while women halved their housework hours (from 28 to 15 hours). But that still leaves women spending nearly twice as much more time as their partners on housework each week. In short, Dads are not racing to take over even half of the time-consuming, energy-depleting, and mentally exhausting workload of a supermom. Something needs to change.

A Peacock Parent's Superpower

Supermom’s kryptonite is the idea that you have to be the one to do it all. The reality is that neither parent wants to be a burnt-out martyr, which is the inevitable storyline of a supermom.

I am not a supermom, nor do I aspire to be one. I hate the term. I am just a mom, but I do have a superpower: delegation.

Instead of bartering with my partner over who is going to take on tasks neither of us wants to do, like emptying the diaper genie or taking out the trash, we have built a support team at home. With this team, we delegate low-joy, time-consuming tasks that take us away from our kids and away from each other.

Here is a list of the professionals on our (super) support team that ensures my partner and I have a healthy work-life balance…

Now, let’s address the elephant (or should I say Peacock?) in the room. Yes, all of these services cost money, and many are only attainable to the top 10% of households in the U.S.

If we want more mothers to be able to afford these support services, we need more women in C-suite positions. And those of us in positions of power in the private sector need to push for better-paid leave policies, flexible schedules, and corporate benefit programs that contribute towards nanny agency fees or other resources for parents.

“Only when women wield power in sufficient numbers will we create a society that genuinely works for all women,” writes Anne-Marie Slaughter, in The Atlantic article “Why Women Still Can’t Have it All”. And let’s remember that helping mothers helps the entire family unit.

“Seeking out a more balanced life is not a woman’s issue; balance would be better for us all,” Slaughter writes.

If you are not in a director-level role at your company, then there are groups such as Chamber of Mothers and Moms First that are pushing for larger public policy changes, including paid leave for all, universal childcare, and synchronized work and school schedules (still one of the best suggestions from Slaughter’s Atlantic article!). Consider donating to them or attending their next chapter meeting. (You might be surprised to learn that the US is one of only seven countries in the world without national paid maternity leave.) I’m also a fan of the Geena Davis Institute which is working towards redirecting the image from “super mom” to “mom” on television.

A Peacock Parent Is The Anti-Supermom

I recently polled my followers on Instagram and asked them to define “supermom.” One summed it up by saying, “someone who balances family, work, and personal life without breaking a sweat.”

What I love about this comment is that it doesn’t mention doing it all on their own. We all need help to achieve a family work-life balance, and that doesn’t make you less powerful. It makes you more powerful — and just plain smart.

Although society is changing, there is still so much pressure on mothers to be a caricature of a supermom, and I would like you to join me in releasing it. Making this pressure something of the past is my life’s passion. I did not create Peacock Parent to make money. Technically, I am retired. I sold my company in 2018 for 8 figures and don't need to work again. But I came out of retirement to share the extremely valuable lessons I learned about the value of buying time to be a more present parent, and to squash the idea of the supermom. A Peacock Parent is the anti-supermom. We don’t claim to do it all, and instead, we proudly value time as if it were another form of currency, which allows us to focus on the quality time we spend with our kids and how we, as people, show up more present, engaged, and connected to ourselves, our kids, and our partners.

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